absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
