Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
