"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
