I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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