All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
