His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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