Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
