He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
