i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
4 words: hood of his car
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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