you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
