My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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