Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
