Umm I'm too high to move.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
