is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You dont lie about slip and slides
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
