you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
