T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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