i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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