this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
