i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
