He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
