My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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