well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
