Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
