How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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