OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
