apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
