and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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