He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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