At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
