You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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