omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish you could order shots online.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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