i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
