Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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