Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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