Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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