my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
