Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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