How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were trust falling into bushes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
