i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
