I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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