The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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