Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
time to smoke my breakfast
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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