My friends, they love my intelligence
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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