Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
