I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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