a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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