You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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