I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
