1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
