that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
