I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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