Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
