Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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