Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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