We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
