My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
