I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
