Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
