I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
