I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
