Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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