id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
