better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
