I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
