I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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