Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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