I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
