I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
