I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
