Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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