Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
