A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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