Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize