I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ladies don't puke and tell
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
