this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
