Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I should be sponsored by Trojan
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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