Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
