we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
